The Bum’s Rush #60

WARNING! None of the news or rumors you see here in The Bum’s Rush should be considered FACT until it actually happens. It might never happen. How do you know I’m not just making all this crap up? I could, you know. You’ve been warned!


A Man of My Word… When I Remember To Be

Okay, yes… I screwed up. You caught me. I said for a while that I was going to talk about Infinite Crisis and Civil War, but I never did. I’d like to say that it just slipped my mind, but that’s not true. How could it slip my mind when, wherever I go, Bum’s Rush readers hound me about it! I can’t even walk from my car to my apartment without someone yelling out, “Hey, when you gonna talk about how much you hated Infinite Crisis, jerk!?” Okay, it was just that one time, but still… it haunts me. So for the sake of you, the loyal reader, and for my own peace of mind, allow me to briefly discuss these two mega-events of wallet-draining proportions.

Infinite Crisis (a.k.a. Maybe It Was A Good Book On Earth-2?)

First, let’s address Infinite Crisis which was indeed an epic. Much like a fifty-car pile-up on the freeway could be considered epic. By that I mean to say that it was a gigantic, horrific mess, strewn with dead bodies and cries for help, a disaster from which one could hardly avert their gaze. I do applaud DC for their ability to get me to spend my money on just about every lead-in, tie-in and special associated with the series. Seriously. I’m not blaming them in any way for my purchasing their comics nor am I saying that I was tricked out of my cash. Not at all. But I do wish that the end result of purchasing and following such a massive, and entertaining mind you, build up to Infinite Crisis would have actually paid in an equally entertaining book and not just a great big collection of loosely connected, mostly boring vignettes and poorly tied up loose ends.

Perhaps it was a case of too many cooks in the kitchen, too many people with too many fantastic ideas for one single writer to ultimately tie together and translate into a coherent and smoothly flowing story line. That certainly sounds likely. Having about six billion different artists working on the series didn’t help much either. If any one comic in the history of comics could have benefited from a single artistic vision, surely this was it.

But maybe I was expecting too much? Is this The Phantom Menace all over again? Years of anticipation building into a frenzy of excitement that could not possibly be satisfied by any story, no matter how well it was told? I’m sure there are some people that believe this to be the case. I am not one of those people. In my view Infinite Crisis was a poorly handled mess and an utterly terrible pay-off to what could have been a fantastic story. Hmmm, just like The Phantom Menace.

Civil War (a.k.a. Ah, Cynical “Reality”… That’s What My Comics Have Been Missing)

Maybe it’s because I’m just bored with these big event crossovers. Maybe it’s because I’m bored with realism in my superhero comics that usually just translates into dark and depressing. Or maybe it’s because I read this right after I finished Infinite Crisis #7. Whatever the reason, the first issue of Civil War just didn’t do it for me.

For one thing, I wasn’t thrilled with the way the New Warriors, especially Speedball, were treated and made into a joke. Okay, maybe they’re not everyone’s favorite characters. I understand that. But they do have fans, don’t they? I can’t be the only one who read and loved that series back in the day. But it seems to be a trend these days that if a character doesn’t sell comics then they’re ripe for crapping all over. If a character doesn’t appear on lunchboxes and t-shirts then they don’t deserve any respect, right? That’s certainly seems to be the consensus view at the Big Two (rhyme!). And the idea that the New Warriors are some sort of inexperienced newbies with no regard for placing innocent life in danger is just ridiculous.

Speaking of ridiculous, if the main thrust of the series is that superheroes need to be held responsible for the lives the place in danger then how is it even a remotely viable solution to say, “We are too responsible and trustworthy! And to prove it… LET’S GO TO WAR WITH EACH OTHER!!” That doesn’t even make any sense. And neither does the way the heroes, friends in most cases, resort to infighting, name-calling and, in the end, outright betrayal of one another. Listen, when Captain America thinks something is a bad idea, so much so that he’s willing to go against S.H.I.E.L.D. and the U.S. Government, then it’s time to stop and say, “Hey, you know what? Let’s all just chill, go down to Starbucks, have a latte and figure this thing out.” But Iron Man’s response is, for all intents and purposes, “F*** Captain America!” Nice.

Now I’m not about to go completely condemning a series based on the single issue that has hit the stands so far. They may well pull this out and turn it into a spectacular story. If nothing else I’m sure it will be far more linear and cohesive than Infinite Crisis was. As I’ve explained above I’m just not really digging what I’ve read so far. One or two things have calmed me at least a little bit. Particularly when Dan Slott redeemed Marvel’s treatment of the New Warriors to a degree in the recent She-Hulk #8. I’m vaguely intrigued, but far from excited, to see where the story goes.

In Summation (a.k.a. Dammit, I’m Too Young Too Be Such A Grumpy Old Man!)

I’m getting pretty of bored with the current and seemingly endless cycle of one event leading into another, where one-upmanship is king and everyone’s favorite quote is “if you thought that was crazy… wait till you see what we do next!” And what is next? More confounding retconning of character history in an attempt to spin it off into some previously unrevealed “dark secret” that returns to wreak havoc on the present?

I can see it now – “Remember that time Superman got, like, nasty sick with Kryptonian flu and the Swamp Thing had to save him? Well, man, you’ll never guess who he totally nailed in his delirious trek out to the swamp… and now they’re back! With his baby! And he possibly raped Swamp Thing when you weren’t looking?”

Come on, man… this is where Spider-Clones and Parallax’s come from people! I’m all for reading a good story, that’s what it’s all about, but how about instead of trying to cram all this super-secret soap-opera history into these events you use a little logic and, heaven forfend, some respect and come up with a good story that’s a little new and different? Is that so hard? And if someone says to me “but Paul, it’s all been done” then sir, I suggest you look at the myriad of unique and completely awesome works coming from creators like Corey Lewis, Warren Ellis, Grant Morrison, Bryan Lee O’Malley, Benito Cereno, Matt Fraction and tons more and tell me that there’s nothing new or original out there to blow your socks off! It’s not all iterations of who some superhero’s girlfriend was screwing between the panels back in the 70’s!

Phew… okay, maybe I’m getting a little carried away now, but I think I’ve made my point.

Wait… what was my point?

Oh yeah… frikkin’ Speedball is dead!? What the hell kinda crap is… huh… what? He’s not dead? He’s alive?

Oh… well, nevermind.

Prodigal Son

Connor Hawke, the son of Green Arrow, returns to comics in November in a six-issue mini-series by Chuck Dixon and Derec Donovan. The series, called Connor Hawke: Dragon’s Blood, involves Connor takes part in a competition to find the worlds greatest archer. But, of course, the competition takes a bloody turn thrusting Connor and his friend Eddie Fyers, into a deadly adventure involving ancient prophecies, martial arts and dragons! I was a huge fan of Connor as Green Arrow (back when the original Green Arrow was dead… he got better) so I’m pretty psyched about this series. Plus, as I’ve said before, not many people can write a straight forward, ass-kicking action story like Chuck Dixon.

Talent Pays

After just one issue, Boom! Studios’ new series, Talent has been picked up by Universal Pictures for adaptation into a major motion picture. The series, by Christopher Golden, Tom Sniegoski and Paul Azaceta, features the sole survivor of a plane crash who appears to have inherited the talents and memories of the passengers who died. Apparently there were about five movie studios vying for the rights to produce the film version until Universal won out. I actually read the first issue of the series, which was pretty damn good, and it would definitely make one hell of a movie.

The Only Comics That Matter

Last Week –
Wonder Woman #1 by Allan Heinberg and Terry Dodson

Cannon God Exaxxion Stage 5 by Kenichi Sonoda

Hector Plasm: De Mortuis One-Shot by Benito Cereno and Nate Bellegarde (check out my review of
Hector Plasm)

This Week –
Ex Machina Special #2 by Brian K. Vaughn and Chris Sprouse

Green Lantern Corps #1 by Dave Gibbons and Patrick Gleason

Umbra #1 by Murphy and Mike Hawthorne

Next Week –
Flash: The Fastest Man Alive #1 by Paul DeMeo, Danny Bilson and Ken Lashley

Eternals #1 by Neil Gaiman and John Romita Jr.

Soon –
Emily Edison by David Hopkins and Brock Rizy




If you know of any interesting news, rumors, lies, etc. about comics and think I should know about it too just email me at thesuperleezard@yahoo.com.

Read more dumb crap written by me at www.livejournal.com/users/superleezard.

My semi-daily webcomic, Der Wundervolle Bean, will be coming to an end soon. But you can still check it out here www.livejournal.com/users/der_magic_bean.



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