The Bum’s Rush #72

WARNING! None of the news or rumors you see here in The Bum’s Rush should be considered FACT until it actually happens. It might never happen. How do you know I’m not just making all this crap up? I could, you know. You’ve been warned!
 

Fifteen minutes of lame

Well, as you may’ve noticed up top, this isn’t Paul Milligan. My name is A.C. Hall and you may know me from a little show (column) here at the site called Ring Psychology. I’m also often recognized as “the mentos guy”, as I was prominently featured in fourteen separate Mentos commercials. Okay, I made that part up. You’re regular pilot on this voyage through madness, Paul Milligan, is taking the month off to concentrate on our upcoming site redesign and to draw some amazing comics for our upcoming anthology. When he asked me to fill in for the month of September, I told him “no way, no way in all of hell”. However, I quickly remembered that one of the comics that he’s currently drawing is the one that I wrote, so I figured it just might benefit me to help him out. All dumbness aside, it’s an honor to step in for my good friend Paul. I hope to offer you some of the same fun and juicy comic industry tidbits that he does, peppered with a bit of madness and salted with a pinch of insanity. Now, let’s get on to the show (column).


It’s the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

Mark Millar is the kind of guy you’d like to punch in the face. However, he’s also the kind of guy who probably likes getting punched in the face and would beg you to do it again. So it should come to no surprise to any of us when he shook things up recently with a controversial essay style post over on his forums. What’s it about, you ask? Well, the genius Mark Millar believes that the comic book industry is doomed. He says that Hollywood is going to start paying big dollars to all the comic artists and writers, luring them away from comics. When is this going to happen? Well, 2013 of course. The year where Hollywood will have snatched up all the talented writers and artists, all but putting Marvel and DC out of business. Sigh. Is it just me, or does this just seem like a grand stunt to take our attention off the fact that Civil War is late? If you’re interested in finding out how much of an ass Millar really is, you can read the thread at:

http://forums.millarworld.tv/index.php?showtopic=63415


In the fourth dimension with the information amoebas, no one can hear you scream

Ah, Grant Morrison. The great madman of comic books, crazy in a special way. Alan Moore is crazy in a way that he might eat your face, Grant Morrison is crazy in a way that he might turn himself into vapor and then float to the top of a mountain, then once there reform himself and do a whole bunch of drugs. However, that doesn’t stop Grant from writing some amazing comic books. If you’re not reading his current run on Batman, then I feel sorry for you. However, Grant recently said something in an interview that I found to be quite hilarious. When asked about Frank Miller’s upcoming comic project which features Batman going up against Osama Bin Laden and the Al Qaeda terrorist organization, Grant Morrison had this to say:

“And while we're on that subject...Batman vs. Al Qaeda! It might as well be Bin Laden vs. King Kong! Or how about the sinister Al Qaeda mastermind up against a hungry Hannibal Lecter! For all the good it's likely to do. Cheering on a fictional character as he beats up fictionalized terrorists seems like a decadent indulgence when real terrorists are killing real people in the real world. I'd be so much more impressed if Frank Miller gave up all this graphic novel nonsense, joined the Army and, with a howl of undying hate, rushed headlong onto the front lines with the young soldiers who are actually risking life and limb 'vs' Al Qaeda.”

Thanks Grant, for saying it much better than I have over the past many months.


Have you seen this boy?

Here’s a question. Have you ever met Andy Hartnell? He’s the writer of such comics as Danger Girl and one of the Army of Darkness miniseries. Here’s why I ask. I don’t think there is an Andy Hartnell. I spent well over an hour searching for a picture of the guy and found none. He’s got no website and he’s not listed as a guest for any of this year’s conventions. So, let’s look at his projects. Danger Girl was very much an artist project. J. Scott Campbell probably just draws it and then adds in words when he is done. However, hoping to add credibility, he invents the name Andy Hartnell. Devil’s Due Publishing, interested in making a bunch of money off of the Army of Darkness license, wants to make a comic book. However, to give it the appearance that it’s a real comic and not just a ploy for money, they say it’s written by Andy Hartnell. Back at Wildstorm, after a night of great Dungeons and Dragons, they decide to do a comic book based off of their totally awesome fantasy adventure and call it Rokkin. Nick Bradshaw seems like a great guy to get to draw it. However, they can’t just say that the story came from their marathon awesome D&D session, so guess who steps in to write it? Andy Hartnell. Now I may be way off base here (probably), but until we get some sort of proof that Andy Hartnell is a real guy I’m going to stick with this. This industry is full of assumed identities (Mark Millar is really Chuck Austen), so I don’t think I’m being too paranoid. Andy Hartnell, if you’re out there or if Andy Hartnell’s mother is reading this right now, email me. freejenkins@gmail.com is my address. If you’ve got a story about meeting Andy Hartnell, you email me too and we’ll try and put this “rumor” to rest right here in this column next week.


Holy acid face Batman!

Sometimes I wonder if Hollywood is on a quest to ruin things. Rumors have been swirling about the identity of the actor who will be cast to play Harvey Dent in the sequel to Batman Begins. The role is said to be that of D.A. Harvey Dent in the sequel, then return and be transformed into the villain Two Face for the third film. Recent rumors have Ryan Phillippe as the front runner for the role. However, there’s a much blacker rumor going around. It seems that Warner Brothers are contemplating deviating from the comic book and changing the character of Harvey Dent into Harriet Dent. If they do decide to go this direction, the speculated front runner for the role is none other than everybody’s least favorite friend, Lisa Kudrow. Kudrow’s agent didn’t respond to inquiries about the rumor; however Kudrow has spoken recently about testing for a role that will be huge in the next two years. Even though it’s really mean, I sort of want to make a joke and say that Lisa Kudrow looks like someone already threw acid in her face. I’m not going to do it though.

The Only Comics That Matter

Last Week
Teen Titans #38 by Geoff Johns and Tony Daniels
X-Men #190 by Mike Carey and Chris Bachalo

This Week
Uncanny X-Men #478 by Ed Brubaker and Billy Tan
Outsiders #40 by Judd Winick and Matthew Clark

Next Week
Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #210 by Bruce Jones and Ariel Olivetti

If you know of any interesting news, rumors, lies, etc. about comics and think I should know about it too just email me at freejenkins@gmail.com

For links to my other articles and general info about my writing and my life, check me out at http://freejenkins.livejournal.com

 

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