The Bum’s Rush #73

WARNING! None of the news or rumors you see here in The Bum’s Rush should be considered FACT until it actually happens. It might never happen. How do you know I’m not just making all this crap up? I could, you know. You’ve been warned!
 

Hi my name is: KHONSHU!

Recently, superstar Marvel editor Mike Marts jumped ship and joined DC Comics. Mike Marts was the editor of all of the X-Men titles and over the past few months, had really done a lot to make X-Men and Uncanny X-Men not only readable again, but pretty darn good. With the X-Men comics actually good for the first time in years, fans waited eagerly to hear who was going to be taking over duties of editing the X-Universe titles. It’s been announced that none other than big shot editor Axel Alonso will be taking over the X-Titles. Now, Axel Alonso is a pretty good editor, however, he already has a lot on his plate. First off, he’s an executive editor at Marvel, basically like a supervisor to all the other editors. Add onto that his duties as editor of all Marvel Knights titles, all Max titles, Amazing Spiderman, Moon Knight, Ghost Rider, and Punisher War Journal and you’ve got a guy who all of a sudden probably isn’t giving each book the attention it needs from an editor. When asked for a comment on this issue Axel Alonso had this to say, “money, money, money, money, money!”


An Acronym by any other name

This past week the charity organization A.C.T.O.R. (A Commitment to our Roots) changed its name. For those of you who don’t know, A.C.T.O.R. helps out comic book creators in need. They buy Alan Moore the drug that helps him hold his human form and they buy Stan Lee his immortality cocktail. However, a group called Actor that helped comic book people was getting confusing, so they changed their name to The H.E.R.O. I.N.I.T.I.A.T.I.V.E., or Hope Enforcing Registration Of Independent National Industry Titans In A Temporary Ill Viral Environment. What surprises me is that they’d use a name like that, but they rejected my name, H.F.T.O.D., or Help For The Old Dudes.


With great power comes great paychecks

One of the executives in charge of movies over at Marvel comics has confirmed that they are planning on making more Spiderman films after next years Spiderman 3. What he couldn’t confirm, however, is whether or not Toby Maguire and other stars of the films would return for a fourth film. Everything I’ve dug up says that the decision is mostly in the hands of Maguire, who has hinted many times that he would not like to continue as Spiderman. What I’m wondering is, why not? The guy’s great as Spiderman/Peter Parker and really the only other role he’s qualified for is that of a thirteen year old boy with aids (am I the only one that thinks that’s how he looks?) so I don’t see why you’d pass on more Spiderman films. But hey, if I had the choice to play an icon and get paid millions of dollars, I’d probably pass and go make an art house film about the spirituality of paint brushes too. Me? Bitter? Nah.


Deep in the Amazon jungles

A popular pastime of internet journalists with far too much time on their hands is digging through the upcoming book releases on Amazon.com. This can give you an insight into planned stories and collections of stories that haven’t even been announced yet. Seeing as I was desperate for ideas for the article this week, I did just that. Boy, oh boy, did I stumble into something big. Now, let me set this up for you. Joe Quesada, Editor in Chief of Marvel comics, has made no secret of the fact that he hates the fact that Spiderman is married. He’s been searching for years for a way to get him out of his marriage with Mary Jane. There’s been a mystery image going around the internet in recent weeks showing Spiderman grieving at the grave of Mary Jane. Then, I found http://www.amazon.com/products/books/554322221.

Now, I can’t imagine that they’ll leave it up for long, so if that link is already invalid, let me just tell you what it was. A graphic novel entitled “The Death and Resurrection of Mary Jane Watson”. Quesada swore he wouldn’t make Peter get a divorce and that he didn’t want to turn him into a widower. So, this would make sense to solve those problems. Mary Jane dies, thus making Spiderman single again. Mary Jane comes back, but is different or changed or something happens so that they don’t get remarried, thus giving us a single Peter Parker, just like Quesada wants. Something to keep your eyes peeled for in the upcoming weeks, as news this big doesn’t stay quiet for long.


Are you ducking kidding me?

To make up for the fact that the delay to Civil War is causing Marvel to postpone and pushback the releases of a big chunk of their comic books, they’re scrambling to put out Civil War tie in books and one shots. Some of them have sounded okay, but for the most part they all just seem to be an attempt to keep the Civil War event on reader’s minds and to score some extra dollars. However, I can’t sit by and not mention the up coming one shot, Civil War: Choosing Sides. This comic book has five short stories in it, featuring different characters and showing us what they’ve been up to and what side they’re on in the Civil War conflict. Okay, that sounds fine. Iron Fist, okay whatever. U.S. Agent, uh… okay I guess. Venom, that sounds cool, that’s fine. Ant Man…. Sigh, fine, whatever. It’s the final tale in this book that has me really good and pissed off. Howard the Duck. No, I’m not joking, the final story is about how Civil War is affecting Howard the freaking Duck. HOWARD THE DUCK! HOWARD THE DUCK! Freaking Howard the Duck. I’m not kidding. Look, comic book fans are really geeky sometimes, so I’m sure there are a few, a small handful, of Howard the Duck fans out there. Heck, I liked the movie (when I was seven years old). But let’s face it, a silly campy movie in the 80’s is one thing, but throwing Howard the Duck into the fold for Civil War is just about as dumb as it gets. The ad asks “What happens when you’re an alien duck stuck in a civil war?” Well, I’ve got the answer. NOBODY CARES WHAT HAPPENS! And listen guys, if you happen to be one of those Howard the Duck fans, I’m begging you, email me and tell me why. Explain the appeal to me, because right now I just can’t understand. I’m tempted to go to the park a few blocks away and throw rocks at the ducks in the pond, just to get out some frustration over this. freejenkins@gmail.com is the address and I promise I won’t make fun of you or anything, I just really want to know.


The Only Comics That Matter

Last Week
Nightwing #124 by Bruce Jones and Robert Teranishi
Noble Causes #23 by Jay Faerber and Jon Bosco

This Week
Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #210 by Bruce Jones and Ariel Olivetti
Casanova #4 by Matt Fraction and Gabriel Ba

Next Week
Civil War #4 by Mark Millar and Steve McNiven


If you know of any interesting news, rumors, lies, etc. about comics and think I should know about it too just email me at freejenkins@gmail.com

For links to my other articles and general info about my writing and my life, check me out at http://freejenkins.livejournal.com
 

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