The Bum’s Rush #74

WARNING! None of the news or rumors you see here in The Bum’s Rush should be considered FACT until it actually happens. It might never happen. How do you know I’m not just making all this crap up? I could, you know. You’ve been warned!

Joe Quesada’s big (mon)day

This past Monday, Marvel big wig Joe Quesada announced a number of big things by way of newsarama.com. We’re going to take a look at these announcements and make fun of some, if not most, of them.

First up was: Alan Davis signed exclusive with Marvel and is doing a new Clandestine series.

What I think: Seeing as I don’t even know who Alan Davis is or what Clandestine is, I really didn’t care about this announcement. Apparently he’s writing Fantastic Four: The End (also known as “that one book no one cares to read”).

Next was: Marvel is going to be publishing comic book versions of many popular classic novels.

What I think: Well, this is a good move I guess. They’ll no doubt get a good amount of publicity within the bookstores, so that’s good. The only project confirmed was “Last of the Mohicans”. This initiative sounds like it could do a lot of good for Marvel, however, it’s also the exact type of thing they try and then immediately cancel once they realize it’s not going to do as well as they thought. We’ll have to wait and see, I guess.

Up next: Marvel’s cosmic event “Annihilation” will be spawning tons of follow up books.

What I think: First of all, Annihilation was preceded by four mini-series, so it’s already spawned a lot of other books. Now Marvel is saying there is going to be a Nova regular series, a Quasar mini-series, two Galactus Heralds one shots, and a Super Skrull: Armada mini-series after Annihilation. I just can’t imagine that anyone out there really cares that much, but maybe that’s just me.

Up next: The new series Mighty Avengers will cross over with daytime soap opera Guiding Light.

What I think: Oh man. I thought he was kidding when he said this, but he wasn’t. One of the costume designers for Guiding Light designed the wedding gown for Storms wedding, and I guess this is the other side of that. The Avengers apparently end up in the town where the soap opera is going on and… oh man, who cares. This is quite possibly the worst idea I’ve ever heard. I’d rather read the Outsiders issues where they went on America’s Most Wanted or whatever. Ugh. I blame Bendis for this.

Up next: There’s a new bi-monthly title called Spider Man Family starting.

What I think: This may seem like a ploy for more money (which it probably is) but the fact that it’s written by Sean McKeever is enough to get me to sign on. McKeever is one of the most underrated writers at Marvel and excels at writing family relationships and great characters. I can’t wait to see this book.

Next was: Spiderman will soon be returning to his black costume.

What I think: Well, there was a bit more to this one. Quesada went on to tease and say that it may not be Peter Parker inside the black Spiderman suit. I really, to be honest, could care less. I’m a massive Spiderman fan, but at the hands of Straczynski this amazing character has really become marred. Straczynski was so amazing as the writer of Spiderman for so many years, but he obviously ran past the point where he should have moved on. His Spiderman stories over the past few years have been forced, awkward, and sometimes downright wrong. Spiderman, as a character, is about as good as they get and I have no doubt will once again make for a great comic book. Right now though, I don’t think they know what they’re doing with him. From “Sins Past” to “The Other” to “Iron Spidey” to his choices in Civil War and his inevitable switch to Captain America’s side, this character has just been handled wrong in my opinion. Hopefully that will change soon.

Moving on: The big event for 2007 will be World War Hulk.

What I think: Well, I’m torn. First up, Quesada says that it won’t include any tie ins or mini-series like the last few big summer events have. Which I find funny because they always say things like that. However, this event will be written by Greg Pak, drawn by John Romita Jr., and will feature a pissed off Hulk returning to Earth and smashing the hell out of everything. As much as I’d like to hate it, that sounds like a pretty fun story to me.

Next up was: J. Michael Straczynski will be writing the new Thor comic.

What I think: Even though he’s really let me down a lot lately, I still have a lot of respect for Straczynski (not enough respect to look up his name and make sure I’m spelling it correctly though), so I think he may bring me on as a reader of Thor for the first time ever. I think it’s a good move to get him on the book instead of fan favorite Thor writer Michael Oeming, as Thor is definitely a character that could use a new take and a new writer.

Next was: The Dabel Brothers signed a deal with Marvel.

What I think: This is pretty exciting news. The Dabel brothers bring popular fantasy novels to life in comic book form and they do an exceptional job at it. Having the backing and resources of Marvel, I have no doubt their fantasy comics will keep getting better and better.

Finally we’ve got: Joss Whedon will take over as writer of Runaways.

What I think: Runaways is a class act of a comic book. It’s everything comic books should be and I’m thrilled that Joss is going to bring it the audience it deserves. It’s an inspired move to put a top level talent on a mid level selling book like this.

Whew, that was a lot of junk. I suppose, if anything, you have to say that Marvel is at least making moves. A lot of people don’t like a lot of what they’re doing. I’m not a huge fan of a lot of these announcements myself, but I do admire the fact that they are trying a lot of new things and mixing things up.

Namor? How about NaSNORE!

Terminator 3 director Jonathon Mostow has been signed on to rewrite the script and direct the Namor movie. Man, Namor is so boring. Deep down, I’m glad they’re making this movie though. It gives me a valid reason to finally commit suicide.

There are no words

If you’re a comic book fan, chances are you know that John Byrne is a prick. From racism to misogyny, this guy seems to revel in being a complete and total jerk. Well, check out his comments on the death of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin.

“Okay, time for me to rain on this parade. I didn't know he had kids. YOUNG kids. This alters the mix considerably.  This makes him an @$$hole. Cops and firemen, to name but two, place their lives on the line every day to protect others. There was nothing Steve Irwin was doing that he could not have done -- as did, say, David Attenborough -- without putting his life at risk. This takes this from tragedy to stupidity, and, worse, irresponsibility.”

Now let me point out that I agree with him in a sense. Steve Irwin did do a very dangerous job, one that may not have been vital to mankind. Is it irresponsible for someone to do things like Steve Irwin did while he has a family? Maybe. However, that’s not the point. Not in the slightest. Those are questions and things for much later. Byrne’s above comments were posted only hours after Steve Irwin’s death. It didn’t stop there. Upon hearing more about Steve Irwin and some of his other encounters with danger. Byrne had this to add.

“I border on being glad this @$$hole is dead!”

So yeah, there you go folks. There’s really only one thing we can do about it, and that is STOP BUYING ANY COMIC BOOKS THAT JOHN BYRNE WORKS ON! This guy, however legendary or great he once may have been, is undeserving of any support from us in the way of our hard earned dollars. It seems that DC is in the process of getting rid of him and I seriously doubt he’ll end up anywhere of consequence afterwards. Sounds like Karma to me.

The Only Comics That Matter

As I’m actually nine minutes past my deadline, I’m going to let you all pick out your own comics this week.
 


If you know of any interesting news, rumors, lies, etc. about comics and think I should know about it too just email me at freejenkins@gmail.com

For links to my other articles and general info about my writing and my life, check me out at http://freejenkins.livejournal.com
 

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