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Down But Not Out

by Drew Clements westofmiskatonic@gmail.com

Welcome to the first edition of Down But Not Out. In this column I’ll be your guide to all things old. Think of me as the back issue Watcher, except without the big, bald head and funny blue robe… well okay, at least think of me as the Watcher without a bald head. Now, when I say “old” I mean that I’ll be reviewing anything previous to the year 2000. So we’re talking just about anything I can get my hands on: golden age on up: the mainstream to the really obscure. This will be the ultimate grab bag column in terms of reviews. I want to thank Paul Milligan and Aaron Hall for providing me with this space to make awful judgments and jokes that’ll probably make you cringe from their stupidity. So, I thought long and hard about what to grab up for my first review. Finally, after heavy drinking (of water) and stuffing my face with the good stuff (low fat honey graham crackers) I decided to spread the greatness that is Amazing Spider-man #7. So, without mumbling any further, here’s my review (with… more mumbling): Amazing Spider-man #7 Original Release Date: December 1963 Writer: Stan Lee Artist: Steve Ditko Letterer: Art Simek Rating: 5/5 Plot: The Vulture returns! Spidey sprains his arm! Betty Brant and Peter Parker flirt! Comments: If you’re unfamiliar with Spider-man’s earliest exploits then you’ll surely think I’m kidding with my Plot summary up above. Honestly I’m not. It’s a simple and straightforward story. Does that mean it’s inferior to the Spider-man stories of today? Hardly! This issue begins with a short recap of the events of The Amazing Spider-man #2, in which Spidey battles the Vulture for the first time. In that issue, Spider-man beats the Vulture by creating an Anti-Magnetic Inverter, which disables the Vulture’s flying harness. Now, back to issue #7 we see what the Vulture has been up to since his defeat at the hands of the wall-crawler. The old man has been the “best behaved” prisoner of State Prison. So much so that the warden has made the Vulture a Trustee and allows him to use the machine shop. Okay, sure that doesn’t seem very logical, but let’s just accept that it’s for plot purposes and move along, shall we? So, as you have no doubt figured out, the Vulture uses the machine shop to fashion himself a temporary set of wings to help him get over the wall of the prison. Peter Parker hears of the Vulture’s escape and immediately starts searching for the villain. Now, remember that Anti-Magnetic Inverter I mentioned earlier? Yeah, Spidey logically believes that he can use this device to take down the Vulture again. No sweat. Unfortunately, the Vulture has outsmarted the web-slinger by nullifying the effects of the inverter. In the ensuing fight, Spider-man is defeated and left for dead. Fortunately for us, Spidey survives the fight but has a badly sprained arm. That’s all pretty good stuff, but Stan completely outdoes himself with the second half of the story. The Vulture, believing Spider-man to be dead, figures he can get away with just about anything, so he decides to rob J. Jonah Jameson of his weekly payroll. Our favorite free-lance photographer, Peter Parker, just happens to be in jolly Jonah’s office when the Vulture shows up. So, Pete sneaks off and puts his Spidey suit on. The two battle through the Daily Bugle offices, with Jonah in hot pursuit, in what is probably the most hilarious sequence I’ve ever read in a single issue of Spider-man. The simple fact that I can be laughing out loud TODAY at something that was no doubt hilarious back in 1963 exemplifies the timelessness of Stan’s writing. Needless to say, Spider-man defeats the Vulture. Spidey also defeats Jonah’s mouth, if only for just an hour. Also, the final scene is truly touching as Peter and Betty Brant share a moment. I honestly can’t say enough good things about this issue. It doesn’t show the “Parker Luck” but it is an absolute classic in my book. When reading these older issues you have to suspend belief just a bit more than you would if, perhaps, you were reading today’s Amazing Spider-man. Sometimes things are glaringly illogical, but that’s part of the fun of these older books. And really, “FUN” is exactly what Stan’s issues are. Now, I’ve mentioned Stan quite a good bit, but I’d be a fool not to say anything about Steve Ditko’s amazing work. THIS is Spider-man. THIS is J. Jonah Jameson. THIS is the Vulture. In my mind, no one will surpass Mr. Ditko in his work. It’s just that good. You can find this issue reprinted in Marvel’s pricey Masterworks series, the old Spider-man Classics series, or you can do like I did and pick up The Essential Spider-man volume 1!