The Weigh In 64

The SDCC roundup, movie news:

The International San Diego Comic-con has come and gone and while there really wasn’t any massively exciting news that is going to shake up the movie world I thought I’d give you the news ala Saturday Night Live; complete with bad jokes and awkward silence. Think about it. Awkward silence in writing. Funny, right? Read on my little gluttons for punishment.

News:
Frank Miller will be writing and directing a film version of Will Eisner’s classic hero: “The Spirit”. When asked if he would stay true to Will Eisner’s vision in order to make fans happy he was heard mumbling into his beer “yeah, if making fans happy means putting together a completely incoherent, piece of crap, sequel to one of the coolest Batman stories ever”, and passed out on the table.

Ghost Rider is slated for a Valentines Day ’07 weekend release. Because nothing says “I love you” like Nicholas Cage’s head on fire.

Edgar Wright, director and co-writer of Shaun of the Dead, is working on an Ant-Man movie for Marvel. Originally starring Robin Williams as a man in drag trying to win back his children after a divorce. Marvel’s executives figured this idea would never make money and opted to do a superhero movie coincidentally named after one of its comic book creations.

Avi Arad confirmed that the villain for the next Hulk movie will be Abomination. The plot involves enraged Marvel fans pelting Bruce Banner with unopened DVD’s of the original film.

While promoting the Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino film Grind House, Tarantino announced that his portion of the double bill film called: Death Proof, will star Kurt Russell as a character called “the slasher”. At which point John Carpenter rushed on stage screaming “Dammit you bastards, I resurrected his career first. Maybe guys you got a part in that movie for me?” Then promptly passed out on the table.

According to Jon Favreau, director of the Marvel film Iron Man, Mandarin will be the main villain of the film. He later announced that the villain’s name would be changed to “South East Asian” after the National Association of Orange Growers threatened to boycott the film.

Peter Cullin, the original voice of Optimus Prime has been hired to reprise his role in the new movie. Transformers fans around the world set aside plans to blow up Michael Bay’s action figure (there is one of those right) for another day.

Guillermo Del Toro is in talks to direct a film version of Deadman for DC. He also announced that he is going to direct a Spanish Superman movie, the next Bond film, and a sequel to Chronos. He was then cattle prodded back into his cage while cursing and pantomiming the plot to the much anticipated Halo film.

Renny Harlan is working on a new film from Sony pictures called The Covenant, which picks up where the original graphic novel left off. Harlan asked if he could just direct a remake of the book but Sony executives told him that one crappy recreation of someone else’s work was enough for one director.

A trailer for the Grudge 2, starring Amber Tamblin. The tagline: “Because even Jesus doesn’t forget when you get his television show cancelled“.

According to Steven Sansweet, Lucas Film director of fan relations, the Star Wars animated series is slated for release in 2008 and the live action series is slated for 2010. Both will be on pay per view for $29.99 with a special discount if you find the special “Golden Yoda” can of Mountain Dew in specially marked 12 packs.

Samuel L Jackson made an appearance at SDCC to promote Snakes on a Plane. He said f**k fifteen times and ended with something about seeing the movie.

Neil Labute showed audiences a clip from his remake of the horror film The Wicker Man. Audiences were unimpressed with the five minute clip of two people standing in a room making snide comments about each other.

Dean Devlin announced that he is in talks to shoot two more Stargate films to complete the “trilogy”. He was promptly escorted out of the room when convention-goers started chanting Go-jira and throwing Taco Bell Godzilla lids at the stage.

And there is my San Diego Comic-con movie news review. I hope you enjoyed my attempt to keep this article light. Check out Paul Milligan’s Bum’s Rush in our features section for more news in the world of comic books.

And what incredibly poor Saturday Night Live spoof would be complete without a catchy exit line: “Good night and please come back next week or they will threaten to withhold my dinner again.” See what I mean, catchy.

Here are some of the cooler pics to come out of the convention this week.

Still pictures:
(courtesy of www.joblo.com) The new Star Trek Teaser poster
(courtesy of joblo.com) One awesome pic of Venom from Spiderman 3.
(thanks to www.chud.com) The Iron Man teaser poster.

Big announcement (that means you should definitely read this):
Next week, The Weigh In will feature coverage of the ins and outs of this year’s convention from the eyes and ears of a very special correspondent. You don’t want to miss it.

This weekend at your local multiplex (7/28/2006):

Miami Vice: Action
Collin Farrell, Jamie Foxx, Gong Li, Naomi Harris, Claran Hinds, Elizabeth Rodriguez
Plot: From director Michael Mann, an updated version of the hit 80s television show. Crockett (Farrell) and Tubbs (Foxx) have to go undercover to catch the leader of a drug cartel or something.
Buzz: No one really knows what to say about this film. It is a film from a well respected director in the style that originally made him famous umm.. over 20 years after it originally aired as a hit television show.

The Ant Bully: Animated/children
Nicolas Cage, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, Paul Giamatti, Lily Tomlin, Cheri Oteri, Alan Cumming
Plot: A young boy torments a hill of ants and in retaliation they shrink him down to their size and force him to live in an ant colony as a slave.
Buzz: Man, it’s a good thing that this is a kid’s movie because I’m not sure that this would fly as a regular summer film. Oh yeah, that is probably about par for most movies out there right about now.

John Tucker Must Die: Comedy
Jesse Metcalf, Britanny Snow, Ashanti Daniels, Sophia Bush
Plot: When three different popular girls realize that they are dating the same guy they decide to band together to teach him a lesson.
Buzz: Yeah yeah, this film has been done to death. Throw in a few hot women and a few laughs and maybe you have a good movie. With these, you either roll the dice or wait until DVD.

This week on DVD (7/25/2006):

Final Destination 3
Final Destination Trilogy (box set)
Ask the Dust
Hudson Hawk (se)
The Benchwarmers
Awesome: I F***in Shot That
Halloween: 25 Years of Terror
Chappelle’s Show: The Lost Episodes
Laguna Beach (season 2)
Three’s Company (season 7)
La Femme Nikita (season 4)
Tales From the Crypt (season 4)
Bogie and McCall: The Signature Collection
Joe Dirt (se)
The Boondocks (season 1)
JAG (season 1)
Rawhide (season 1)
Animaniacs (vol 1)
Ladybugs
Pinky and the Brain (vol 1)
Punky Brewster (season 3)
Halloween 4
Halloween 5
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As always, send your loving adoration or your hate mail to DPlace76@yahoo.com.  You can check out some of my random musings at http://bigdpimpin.livejournal.com/.  Come and learn about all the comings and goings of the Stumblebum crew at www.myspace.com/stumblebumstudios.