|
#109
WARNING! None of the news or rumors you see here in The
Bum’s Rush should be considered FACT until it actually
happens. It might never happen. How do you know I’m not just
making all this crap up? I could, you know. You’ve been
warned!
THE LOST EPISODE
Since our time together is almost at an end I thought I’d
show you guys something kind of neat… the lost episode of
The Bum’s Rush. This article was written about a year ago,
just before the first issue of
Civil War hit the stands and it dealt with
my displeasure with idea that Speedball would be killed off
in that series as was widely rumored at the time.
Though I had written almost the entire article I decided,
for reasons that escape me now, not to use it. Perhaps I
felt it was too geeky, even for me? Maybe I felt it wasn’t
long or detailed enough? Could I have been paid hush money
by Marvel and forgotten about it? Whatever the reason this
ode to Speedball, my favorite bouncing superhero of all
time, was tucked away in a corner and has never been seen by
anyone but me… until now!
The first two sections, “Lamenting Speedball” and “Bouncing
Back” constitute the original article as it was written. The
last section “In Hindsight” was written specifically for
this special article, presenting my thoughts and feelings
about what actually happened to Speedball as a result of the
vomit-inducing
Civil War crossover.
Lamenting Speedball
Some of you might be aware of Marvel Comics Editor-In-Chief
Joe Quesada’s apparent vendetta against
Speedball, probably the most constant member of the
New Warriors throughout their numerous incarnations.
Quesada has voiced his dislike of the character on numerous
occasions in the weekly question and answer column,
Joe Fridays on Newsarama, even going so far as to
suggest that he’d be happy when Speedball was pushing up
daisies. Whether it’s a true distaste for the character or
all just well-planned hype, if you’ve seen any of the
numerous previews for the upcoming Civil War
mini-series it seems pretty obvious that Speedball, along
with the rest of his teammates, might very well bite the
bullet within the span of a few pages.
As much as I’m actually looking forward to reading the
Civil War mini-series, this almost gleeful destruction
of one of my favorite characters, and in fact one of my
favorite Marvel superhero teams, leaves a bad taste in my
mouth. I’ve been a fan of the New Warriors ever since I
picked up issue seven of the first volume (Night Thrasher
vs. Bengal with a special appearance by the Punisher!). The
series has had its ups and downs and the team has since been
relegated to something of sad joke within the Marvel
Universe. And now it seems they’re not even worth making fun
of any more. Now they’re merely cannon fodder. Hey, I freely
admit that I could be reading this situation completely
wrong. But at this point there’s not much evidence to the
contrary.
Bouncing Back
So, getting to the point of this little rant, Speedball was
recently featured in the “League of Losers” storyline in
Robert Kirkman’s Marvel Team-Up series. In that story
a powerful villain from the future was able to wipe out
almost every major player in the Marvel U in a matter of
hours using historical records, an army of soldiers and
advanced weapons he brought with him from his own time. Only
a few heroes managed to escape the slaughter, mostly second
and third string characters like Darkhawk, Terror, Dagger
and Speedball among others. These heroes survived mostly
because they weren’t important enough to history to have
accurate records kept about them. The group managed to
escape into the villain’s own time (months before the
villain left) and there they teamed up with Reed Richards
and his protégé,
a young mutant hero known as Mutant 2099. With the help of
Reed and Mutant 2099, the “League of Losers” were successful
in preventing the time-traveling villain from escaping into
the past and putting his plan for world domination into
motion. Unfortunately, because these heroes prevented the
villain from following through with his plan they
effectively erased their own timeline, the one in which all
of the major Marvel heroes were killed. Thus they were
forced to remain and live out their lives in the future.
What does this have to do with Speedball dying, I hear you
scream from behind your monitor? Well, if Speedball does in
fact die during the upcoming Civil War then Robert
Kirkman has effectively created a way out for anyone wishing
to bring the character back. One would simply need to reach
into this future timeline and snatch the duplicate Speedball
back to the present. So I just want to say thank you to
Robert Kirkman for creating this loophole, whether
intentional or not, that would allow one of my favorite
characters to effectively return from the dead. If he’s
actually killed. Which he might not be. God, I’m a nerd.
In Hindsight
Annnnd we’re back. I’m not really sure why I never posted
that as one of my articles… I kinda liked it. Of course it’s
a bit funny to look back at this article and read a sentence
like “as much as I’m actually looking forward to reading the
Civil War mini-series”, considering how much I grew
to hate and despise that comic. You can check out my bitter
recap of Civil War #1
HERE and my snark-filled comments regarding the entire
series
HERE.
But what about Speedball, what actually became of him? Well,
he didn’t die. But God how I wish he had. After being
portrayed as a moronic, self-serving, camera hogging,
reckless a-hole in the first issue of Civil War,
Speedball and teammates appear to bite the big one in an
explosion they caused that wiped out the entire town of
Stamford, Connecticut. And if there were any justice in the
universe it would have ended there. But alas, it was
revealed that Speedball survived the blast thanks to his
powers, which were radically altered due to the trauma of
the experience. Speedball is promptly arrested by
S.H.I.E.L.D. for his role in the destruction of Stamford and
agrees to testify before Congress to help bolster support
for the Superhuman Registration Act. On his way to testify,
Speedball is shot. His life is saved but, due to his guilt
over the deaths he caused he requests that the bullet
remains in his spine (what!? In what effed up world is that
kind of request granted?). As his powers return he discovers
that they can only be activated when he feels pain (emo is
so in right now). He agrees to support the Registration Act
and adopts the new identity of Penance. To complete his
transformation “Penance” orders a special suit (which looks
like some kind of high-end S&M get up designed for any
number of grim and gritty “heroes” to come out of the oh so
mature comics of the mid-nineties) which feature 612
internal spikes (to represent the 612 people who died in
Stamford) that cause him constant pain and keep his powers
running. Oh! And 60 of the spikes are bigger than the others
to represent the 60 children who died! This is deep, deep
stuff kiddies. Then he joined the new Thunderbolts, Tony
Stark’s army of violent super-thugs who hunt down people who
don’t sign up with the rest of the Registered super-humans.
Then I hated comics for the rest of my life.
Ugh. You know, I’d poke even more fun at this childish
nonsense… but it kinda makes fun of itself doesn’t it? It’s
just too ridiculous to process. I feel like I’ve woken up in
the nineties and we’re reliving the golden age of the
grim-n-gritty, a style that was “inspired” by Frank Miller
and Alan Moore yet lacked the social relevance and talent
portrayed in their darker stories and replaced those
elements with more spikes. Ugh. Seriously, even at his
lowest, when ALL comics in the mid-nineties, including
New Warriors, saddled their main characters with
trenchcoats and emotional baggage, Speedball was never this
out of character, pathetic, unlikable or downright
depressing. I swear to you now if, nay, when I break into
comics and get to work in the big leagues I will do my
damnedest to bring the real Speedball back (using Mr.
Kirkman’s handy-dandy loophole no less) and restore his
dignity. And I will kill Penance dead. I will kill him so
dead that not even Chris Claremont could bring him back.
That Time Of The Month
DC Comics Solicitations for August, 2007
Marvel Comics Solicitations for August, 2007
Dark Horse Comics Solicitations for August, 2007
And The Rest
- Another Bum on TV! Fanboy TV that is. Stumblebum crewmate
David DeGrand was a
guest on Monday’s episode! Click
HERE to visit the Fanboy
TV website and check out David’s appearance.
- Do you believe in Harvey Dent? Check out the teaser site
HERE which
features a mock-up ad for Gotham’s District Attorney and the first official
pic of Aaron Eckhart as Dent.
- Another teaser site was released (it no longer exists but perhaps
something might happen if you hit “select all”) in connection with the film,
www.ibelieveinharveydenttoo.com featuring a defaced version of the
mock-up, which then morphed into this picture of… The Joker:
- It looks like J. Michael Straczynski isn’t the only Spider-Man creator
who will soon bid the character farewell. Peter David & Todd Nauck are
leaving Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man with issue #23 while Roberto
Aguirre-Sacasa & Clayton Crain exit Sensational Spider-Man with issue
#40. Following the departures of these creative teams will be the 4-part
“One More Day” (the final Stracynski Spider-Man story) illustrated by Joe
Quesada, which crosses over all three Spider-Man titles.
- In other Spidey-related news, could it be that Dan Slott won’t be
writing Amazing Spider-Man once Straczynski leaves? In a recent
Joe Friday’s, Quesada said of the new Amazing writer – “she is
hot, sexy and a redhead”. Who could it be? Gail Simone? Fiona Avery? There
are several possibilities, including the fact that Quesada could just be
f**king with us… again. Still, I’ll bet dollars to donuts (what does that
even mean?) Slott will be writing one of the Spider-Man titles
by year’s end.
- You know who else can write a good Spidey? Robert Kirkman. Put him on a
Spidey title with Corey Walker and I will buy the heck outta that book.
- One of the titles spinning out of the big Civil War brouhaha is
the new July-debuting ongoing series, Champions by Matt Fraction and Barry
Kitson. Except it’s not called Champions anymore. Though the book was
named after Marvel’s mid-seventies third-stringer super-team
The Champions it seems that Marvel no longer holds the rights to the
name “Champions” and hasn’t since the mid-eighties when their trademark was
declared abandoned. The trademark was picked up by Heroic Publishing who
began using the “Champions” name as part of their line of comics. Heroic
renewed that trademark last year after they began publishing a new
Champions series and was surprised when Marvel announced the debut of
their own ongoing Champions series, especially since Marvel
had previously been made aware of Heroic Publishing’s hold on that
trademark. At the time the story broke, back in April, Marvel had no comment
on the controversy and there has been little news since. That is, until the
Marvel’s August solicitations were released this week. Apparently Marvel’s
Champions is still on the schedule but it’s now listed as Series
Title To Be Announced. What’s curious to me is how no one is really
talking about it. At all. You’d think that Newsarama would do a follow-up
since they’re the ones who wrote about the controversy to begin with (which
in and of itself was surprising to me considering that, more often than not,
Newsarama appears to be Marvel’s personal propaganda pusher and internet
cheerleader).
- Check out Christopher Bird’s “30 Reasons Why I Should Write Legion of
Super-Heroes” right
HERE. It is super-awesome. More than a few times Bird pays homage to Dan
Abnett & Andy Lanning’s amazing run on the series, which was pretty much the
only time I was ever a huge LOSH fan. He’s all right in my book and
if he got to do half the crazy, genius things he talks about doing I would
totally buy Legion again.
- Marvel’s press release for the first issue of World War Hulk
states: “The wait is almost over-World War Hulk #1 (of 5) ships this June
and nothing in the Marvel Universe will be the same when it's done!”
Seriously? Aren’t we kinda done with that whole “nothing will ever be the
same” thing by now? These days isn’t that more of a joke spouted ironically
by cynical fanboys (yes, yes including me) than something a publisher uses
to promote an event book. Though I suppose it’s better than “in this issue…
someone dies!”
- The original Captain Marvel (the Marvel Comics version anyway) returns
to comics later this year in his own mini-series, with covers by Ed
McGuinness:
click on image to view full size in a new window
- Here’s some full page preview art from Joe Casey and Eric Canete’s
upcoming mini-series, Iron Man: Enter The Mandarin. Just check out that
awesome cover!
click on images to view full size in a new window
- And rounding out this little trilogy of preview art, here’s some teaser
art from Bryan Lee O’Malley’s forthcoming Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together:
click on images to view full size in a new window
In Case You Didn’t Know…
Next week is the very last Bum’s Rush ever! Be here!
The Only Comics That Matter
Last Week –
BPRD: Garden of Souls #3 by Mike Mignola, John Arcudi & Guy Davis
Batman #665 by Grant Morrison & Andy Kubert
X-Factor #19 by Peter David & Khoi Pham
This Week –
Madman Atomic Comics #2 by Mike & Laura Allred
Criminal #6 by Ed Brubaker & Sean Phillips
Iron Man: Hypervelocity #5 by Adam Warren & Brian Denham
Next Week –
Hellboy: Darkness Calls #2 by Mike Mignola & Duncan Fegredo
Invincible #42 by Robert Kirkman & Ryan Ottley
New Avengers: Illuminati #3 by Brian Michael Bendis, Brian Reed & Jim
Cheung
If you have any interesting news, rumors, lies, etc. about
comics and think I should know about it too just email me at
thesuperleezard@yahoo.com.
Read more dumb crap written by me at
www.livejournal.com/users/superleezard.
End of Line
|
Stumblebum Studios Archives
