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The Bum’s Rush #47
STAPLE! (Part Dos)
(Part Uno)
Okay… last week a few of us Stumblebum’s made it down to
Austin for
STAPLE!, the Independent Media Expo. Last week I talked
about everything leading up to the show on Saturday. The
headaches, the panic, the sleepless nights, Milligan’s
Law of Proportional Workload©, the trip, the pre-show
party (at the heaven of comic book stores,
Austin Books, the late night pancakes and those two dead
hookers in Bethesda… oooh, scratch that last one. This time
I’m actually going to cover the show, from open to close.
It was around 8 a.m. when my alarm went off. I’d had a
decent night’s sleep… could have done with a bit more, but
the show was supposed to start at 10. I laid my head back
down on my pillow for a few minutes and my alarm went off
again. I looked at the clock – 8:30!! Crap! I took a quick
shower and got dressed and listened to my phone ring over
and over as Dana was trying to call me and make sure I was
awake. Still trying to pull get dressed while I quickly
checked my backpack to make sure I had everything I needed,
I wasn’t able to pick up the phone right away. Instead I
tried sending telepathic messages along the lines of “SHUT
UP!! I’M GETTING READY!!!” I asked him about it later.
Apparently he didn’t get any of my psychic death threats.
But he did get a headache around the same time.
Although I slept a bit later than I had planned we were
still on the road around 9, almost perfectly on time. Looks
like we’ll get to the show just in… what? Oh, crap. When we
stopped for gas and coffee Dana discovered that he was
missing a large amount of money from his bank account. I
blame the Dave… or possibly German midgets but Dana suggests
that perhaps it’s the fault of the hotel we’re staying at. I
didn’t know German midgets owned the place, I say. He
ignores me. We go back to the hotel to clear up the money
problem. Apparently they charged both our rooms on his card
and didn’t charge me at all. I’m perfectly happy with the
arrangement but Dana is big and carries a machete in his
luggage so I decide to pay for my own room.
Back on the road again! Nothing can stop us… #$&@! Dana
tells me we need to stop at a bank to get change so that we
have ones and fives for people buying the books. I laugh
when I think of people actually buying our books but
apparently I’m the only one who finds it funny. As I’m
walking out of the bank with a thick wad of ones and fives I
contemplate making a break for it, buying my way down to
Brazil and possibly joining Mike Deodato Jr.’s sweatshop of
art clones. I reconsider when I realize that $40 probably
won’t do the job.
Back on the road again… again! We quickly run out of road
without having seen the mall where STAPLE! is supposed to be
happening. What’s going on with this town? A quick call to
Dave and Mel (who are already at the show and set up)
reveals our mistake. We are stupid. The show is in the
other direction. I turn the car around and we head back
down the road for what seems like the umpteenth time.
Amazingly, now that we’re going in the right direction, we
actually find the mall. We see Dave Crosland walking through
the parking lot and Dana leans out the window. For a second
I kind of hope we’re going through with our plan to kidnap a
famous comic book artist but Dana simply asked him where the
show is. Crosland points at the Mall entrance with the big
STAPLE! banner hanging above it.
We’re finally at the show. We pick up our badges and head
inside, only to discover that Dave has already set up an
immaculate
Cultural Void display involving clowns, fireworks,
German midgets (I knew it!) and dancing girls. He was
courteous enough to reserve about a foot of the table for
the Stumblebum stuff. Dana produces his machete and we’re
able to wrangle back some more of the table for ourselves.
As we’re getting our stuff ready we run into Stumblebum’s
own
David DeGrand who’s there with the equally talented (and
magnificently bearded) Barry Rodgers. I get to meet their
lovely wives for the first time, both of whom look
appropriately scared and bored at the same time.
Hey look! It’s Kit and Julie, sitting right across from us!
I use their presence as an excuse to abandon Dana and the
table set up. Kit hands me a copy of his book, Damnit! I
Swallowed Another One! The book collects a ton of Kit’s
hilarious strips that have appeared in a number of
magazines, from MAD to Playboy. It even
features an introduction by Lloyd Kaufman, creator of The
Toxic Avenger!
The show opens and every cheers. It’s a hell of an
atmosphere. Something tells me this is definitely more our
crowd, this independent crowd. Here it feels as though
everyone is on equal footing. It’s just a whole bunch of
people who love comics and love producing their own work.
Sure there are some big names, guys like
Jim
Mahfood,
Dave
Crosland, Josh Howard and
Tony
Millionaire. But this is the kind of place where guys
like that got their start. It’s somewhat less intimidating
than having Ethan Van Sciver sitting right next to you at a
show. The fans are here to see everyone!
Dave is raking in the fans and the money cause everyone
loves Dave. I love having him at our table. It always seems
to bring even more people our way. It also gives me someone
to blame when stuff goes missing or there’s a weird smell in
the air. Everyone suspects Dave anyway. We’re selling books,
meeting lots of cool people and generating some real
interest for the site.
Jason Hurley, whom we met at Austin Books on Friday, stops
by our table and gives us a copy of his comic, The
Adventures of Honest Abe and the Original G-Dub. There
are some books that, when someone drops them in front of you
at a convention, you just have to pretend you like. Abe
and G-Dub is most definitely NOT one of those books.
It’s genuinely hilarious. I swear to God it should be a
cartoon on Adult Swim or Comedy Central. It’s rife with
potential. I really hope we run into Jason again, and soon.
Ed Brisson stops by the table to say hello. He’s got on the
most unmistakable yellow baseball cap. It’s his trademark I
believe (besides being renaissance man), because it’s the
best way to recognize him anywhere, anytime. That’s how Dave
points him out to a few people who ask where Ed is sitting.
Over there… the Canadian looking guy in the brilliant yellow
baseball cap. Hmmm, maybe I’ll steal his bit? Start wearing
a red baseball cap, but backwards. Soon all the kids will be
doing… what? Who’s Fred Durst?
After a bit Dave and I go to grab some lunch leaving
poor Dana to man the sinking ship that is Stumblebum Studios
after Dana selflessly volunteers to stay behind and keep
selling our books, the most popular item at the show! Rumor
has it he pretended to be me while I was gone and said all
manner of foul and horrible things to passersby. Honestly I
think he should have pretended to be Dave. Dave gets all the
ladies (or not, if Melissa is reading this.) Dave and I
discover that there’s no food court in this Bizarro World
mall but we do manage to find a little pizza place hidden in
the corner. We buy some overpriced, but tasty sandwiches and
I order a small pizza for Dana.
While eating we see a monster emerge from the hallway
leading to the STAPLE! area. The monster makes a beeline
straight for the skating rink in the middle of the mall,
where dozens of kids are having a good time. Dave jumps up,
grabs his camera and says, with frightening glee, “Man, I
hope those kids start screaming!” I wouldn’t have blamed
them for screaming. That monster was scary man. Dave gets
closer to the thing, taking pictures and smiling like a
sugar-filled kid on Christmas. I just hold back, not wanting
to get to close to the creature. Later I discover that the
monster was actually Melita Curphy, a.k.a.
Miss
Monster, a brilliant artist and sculptor and quite a
cute woman underneath the freakin’ scary ass costume she
wears to her appearances.
We get back to the table and find Dana sweet talkin’ the
customers, pushing our books and pins and flyers. I ask him
if he dumped Dave’s books in the trash like I asked but he
just ignores me, as usual. I take the opportunity to look
around the show and check out the other exhibitors. There’s
so much stuff to see… and to buy! I run outside and
beat up the nearest old blind man I can find and steal his
social security check to the nearest ATM, get some
cash and return to the showroom ready to buy everything and
anything that looks good. And there’s a lot of it. I pick up
a copy of Fred Grisolm’s
Hate
Song, Crazy Papers by Jim Dougan and
Danielle Corsetto, Dirge by
Jeff
Bent and the beautifully packages The Last Island
by Xeric Award Winner
Alex
Cahill. Alex was kind enough to trade me a copy of
Something So Familiar for a couple of Stumblebum books.
Amazing. I would have continued to buy stuff but my will to
continue browsing was severely hampered by the strong and
unpleasant odor emanating from a nearby con-attendee. I
almost passed out as I walked behind him. There’s always one
isn’t there? It’s more common than a fat guy dressed as a
Klingon (of which STAPLE! was lacking, thank God!)
A couple guys from
Space
Squid, a printed and web-based sci-fi zine, dropped
a copy of their debut issue into our laps. It’s a pretty
neat little zine and we ended up talking to them for a bit.
They even showed us a drawing of the Space Squid that Tony
Millionaire had done for them, which they were planning to
use in an upcoming issue. Never one to be outdone, unless I
am, I decided to draw my own version of the Space Squid.
They seemed to like it. In fact they were gushing about it.
Then they voted me their lord and master for life and… no,
that’s not true. But they did like the drawing. They
promised to use it in an upcoming issue. I’ll see if I can
get a picture of it to show you guys.
Before we even knew it the show was wrapping up. I heard a
lot of people saying they wished the show would go on for
another day. I felt exactly the same way, it was that much
fun. Normally, as much as I love going to cons, I dread
another day. This time I was actually praying for one more.
As we began to pack up I realized that I hadn’t introduced
myself to
Josh
Howard, creator of Dead @ 17, even though he was
sitting right across from us. I grabbed a couple of our
books and was ready to go over when I found myself frozen
stiff. I just couldn’t make myself go over and say hello.
Sometimes I get like that around famous comic types. I’m
always worried about making a bad impression, saying
something stupid or just generally embarrassing myself. I
think my reluctance to speak to these guys might stem from
the time that I met Stan Lee and when he had signed my
comic, and I still hadn’t moved or said anything, he
politely suggested that I move aside and let the next person
in line go ahead. Damn you Stan Lee, you magnificent
bastard! But Melissa told me to man up (not her exact
words), march over there and introduce myself. Then she
started clucking like a chicken. No one calls me yellow! I
walked right over to Josh, shook his hand and introduced
myself. He gladly took the copies of our comics and I told
him what a big fan I was. I even bought a copy of his
artbook, Hips & Crossbones, which really kicks ass.
So it wasn’t the disaster I thought it might be.
There were several moments of confusion as we tried to
decide what to do after the show. We wanted to have dinner
with everyone! The initial plan was for Dana, Dave, Mel and
I to have dinner with the dastardly
Mitch
Clem, Ed Brisson, Jeff Bent, David DeGrand and Barry
Rodgers. Sounds simple enough, right? WRONG! Things kept
changing every few seconds and no one seemed exactly sure
where we were going to eat, who was going and what exactly
that German midget was doing in the corner with that
chicken.
Finally Dana and I decided to go to dinner with David and
Barry to… uhm, well, I don’t remember the name of the place.
But it was nice. They gave us lots of food. Before we went
inside Dana remarked that I might want to remove the nipple
buttons I had been wearing for most of the show (courtesy of
Fred Grisolm). It looked like a family kind of restaurant
and not the kind of place for our wacky (i.e. offensive)
comic book type humor.
After an excellent dinner the DeGrands’ and the Rodgers’
headed back to Ft. Worth and Dana and I made our way back to
the hotel. We were supposed to attend the after-party art
show at the Ritz, but I was struck by a case of nerves (I am
a social retard) and Dana was just plain tired. Looking at
the pictures from the party it seems like it was a really
good time. I kinda wish I’d gone now. Next time for sure…
maybe. Instead I watched a movie on TV and passed out.
Whoooo!
The next morning we got up and headed back to Dallas. After
spending about thirty minutes trying to figure out exactly
which way we were supposed to go to get onto I-35 we stopped
at Cracker Barrel for the best lunch ever. Plenty of
biscuits and gravy and coleslaw and iced tea. I’ve never
felt quite so country before. Weird.
So it was a great weekend and a great show. Actually, it was
the most successful convention yet for Stumblebum Studios.
There’s no doubt we’ll be going back to STAPLE! next year.
Thanks to Chris “Uncle Staple” Nicholas for putting on such
a fun show. Thanks to Dana and Dave for being the best
con-buddies I could ever ask for. And extra special thanks
to all the cool folks we met and everyone who stopped at our
table to buy the books or just to chat. You guys rock!
Oh yeah, one o’ them German midgets snuck back to Dallas in
my trunk. He’s currently holding Dana and I hostage and
making us watch endless reruns of Charmed while cooking
pancakes and sewing special little lederhosen for him.
Please… get help… he’s like a miniature Hitl… NEIN! Der is
nothink wrong. I vas mistaken. Ze German midget is
wundervolle houseguest und is mine best pal. Next veek…
comics by ze vamous Nazis!
Quick Bits
Warning! Nothing you read here in Quick Bits should be
considered FACT until it actually happens. Which it might
not. How do you know I’m not just making all this crap up? I
could, you know. You’ve been warned!
- Word is that Charles Burns’
Black Hole comic series is being brought to
the big screen by Neil Gaiman and Roger Avery.
- Marvel has released a flash-animated trailer for the
upcoming Civil War event. You can see the trailer
right
here.
- This August will see the debut of an ongoing
Dead @ 17 series from Viper Comics and
creator Josh Howard. To get the party started Viper will
present a new 10-page Dead @ 17 lead-in story in
their Viper Comics Presents anthology,
available as part of May’s annual
Free Comic Book Day event. Howard says that the
series will introduce an entirely new cast and that he’s
trying to make the book accessible to new and old
readers alike.
- Marvel is releasing a Giant-Size Hulk comic
that will feature new stories by Peter David and Greg
Pak, plus a reprint of the hard-to-find Incredible
Hulk: The End by Peter David and Dale Keown. The
book will be almost 100 pages in length and will cost
about $5!
- Rob Liefeld is apparently working on a new book for
Marvel, according to EiC Joe Quesada. Insert snarky
comment about crappy artist here.
- Tommy Lee Edwards has announced that he is the
artist on J. Michael Straczynski’s upcoming Bullet
Points mini-series for Marvel Comics. The story
explores an alternate history of the Marvel Universe in
which the inventor of the super-soldier serum (which
created Captain America) was killed one day earlier than
in regular continuity resulting in massive ripples that
effect almost every hero in the world.
- In conjunction with the release of the Superman
Returns movie, DC Comics will release four Superman
Returns comic book specials that bridge the gap between
Superman II and the new movie. Superman
Returns director Bryan Singer and screenwriters Michael
Dougherty and Dan Harris will write the stories for the
four specials, with Jimmy Palmiotti, Justin Gray and
Marc Andreyko scripting the books. Adam Hughes will
provide the covers for each special. Superman Returns
is intended as a direct sequel to the first two
Superman movies, ignoring (thankfully) the third and
fourth sequels in the series.
- Steve Gerber’s critically acclaimed series, Hard
Time: Season 2 has been cancelled with issue 7.
Hard Time was part of DC’s acclaimed, but
unsuccessful Focus line, launched in 2004. When the line
was shut down it was announced that Hard Time
would return in a second series, which launched in
December of last year. This is a real shame, Hard
Time is an excellent book and I’m really going to
miss it. I highly recommend picking up the
Hard Time: 50 to Life trade paperback, which
collects the first six issues of this amazing series.
- I’m expecting that there will be some pretty big
news coming out of this weekend’s Wizard World Los
Angeles convention. Most importantly, I think DC will
probably be announcing the writer (or writers?) for
Action Comics. It’s pretty much the last major
announcement they have to make regarding new creative
teams for their big books. Adam Kubert has already been
announced as the books artist. I’ve heard rumors about
who will be writing the book, but it’s a little out
there, so I’d prefer to keep quiet and see what happens.
Oh, okay… you want a hint? It’s someone who has worked
on Superman before… but not on a Superman comic.
Discuss!
- DC Solicitations for June 2006 are right
here.
- Marvel Solicitations for June 2006 can be found
here.
- And Image Solicitations for June 2006 are over
here.
NEXT WEEK: I’m gonna talk about some comics I’m
working on… for real this time! Plus some thoughts on the
first batch of DC’s One Year Later titles.
Send me hate mail at
thesuperleezard@yahoo.com
Read more stupid crap I write at
www.livejournal.com/users/superleezard
Check out my (semi) daily comic, Der Wundervolle Bean, at
www.livejournal.com/users/der_magic_bean
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