The Weigh In #56

It is summer already and I still don’t have my big old bag of popcorn and 44 oz. Dr. Pepper.

This weekend is Memorial Day Weekend and while this gives me the perfect opportunity to pull out the kiddie pool, lather myself up in butter and watch Oprah in the middle of a weekday, there is something much more important and more pertinent to this site, the official start to the Summer Movie Season.

I can almost hear the explosions and bad dialogue in my head as I write this article. Don’t get me wrong, this is my absolute favorite time of the year. I love the big actors, even bigger budgets, and no plot action fests. I love the CGI, the packed movie houses and the extra large tub of popcorn. Sometimes it is just waaaaay too much fun. Sometimes on the other hand, sitting in a theater having a major studio laugh at you for two hours for handing over your hard earned money to them is no fun at all.

This week I wanted to sit down and put together a handy dandy guide to this summers “big hits”, along with a grading system we are all too familiar with, based on how exciting the buzz is on the net. I tried to take my personal opinion out of theses grades and base them mostly on what the word in the net is, but I am not perfect. So, print this out and hang this next to your calendar. Hopefully, this will help some of you bypass some of the traps set up by studios to help lighten your wallet. If I am wrong then at least we will all be together in our misery. But when has the internet ever been wrong, right?

5/26: X-Men 3 (see my review): C
This one I kinda cheated a little, having seen it on Wednesday night. Judging from the grade, I am sure you can guess how my review went.

6/2: The Break-Up: C-
Although probably a pretty good film, can you really get excited about a movie whose ending is completely changed so as not to upset the sensibilities of people that follow the love life of celebrities. Yes, they specifically changed the conclusion of this movie because they felt it would upset people who thought that the fictional version of Jennifer Aniston deserves to be happy. The only thing keeping it out of the F range for such cowardice is the re-paring of Vince Vaughn and John Favreau.

6/6: The Omen: D+
This movie has gimmick written all over it and no one is really fooled. It’s good to see Liev Schreiber in a big movie, but everyone is saying too bad it is this one.

6/9: Cars: C-
Will all of those things that can be counted on without question please step forward. Death, taxes, hold on there great Pixar animation. Not so fast… Word is that the Pixar hot streak is over. With mediocre animation and a bad plot, there are a lot of people disappointed to finally see it happen. But I suppose the world as we knew it had to come to an end eventually.

6/16: Nacho Libre: A-
Jack Black as a Mexican priest that has to save his parish by wrestling. People are picking this to be this year’s Wedding Singer or 40 Year Old Virgin.

6/16: Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: F
Every year at least one movie chooses to prove that its franchise has at least one more big money earner in it. This franchise just fell off the cliff into the abyss. This movie is getting some buzz, but for all the wrong reasons.

6/23: Click: C+
No one is really paying attention to this movie. It could very easily be the comedy that flies under the radar only to be a big hit on DVD. Or it could be one punchline reiterated every two or three minutes.

6/30: Superman Returns: A+:
The most anticipated movie since Star Wars - Episode One, and a long time coming. The internet is hopping with the idea that the perfect comic book director is behind what might be a movie fitting of the 65 year old hero. But then again there is no real pressure from fans at all.

7/7: Pirates of the Caribbean 2: A
Does not have the buzz of some superhero movie coming out a week earlier, but definitely the most anticipated movie that isn’t about a man in tights, and all of it is great.

7/7: A Scanner Darkly: B-
The buzz about this movie is more curiosity than anything about the film at all. The entire movie is filmed and then cell shaded to give it a more animated look. Everyone is more interested in this experiment in filmmaking than whether or not it is any good.

7/14: Pulse: B-
Originally supposed to be released last Spring the only thing anyone has to go by is a really cool trailer. What makes it so special? What did the studio see to make them push back the film to the middle of July? No one knows, and that is what all of the buzz is about.

7/21: Lady in the Water: A-
Love him or hate him, M. Night Shyamalan has a huge following on the net and anything he says or does gets plastered all over the place. Word is this movie looks really cool and may be a departure from his slow, dramatic films with a shock ending.

7/21: Clerks 2: A
Kevin Smith pretty much creates his own buzz any time he opens his mouth. With this sequel to his breakout hit, everyone can’t wait to see what he comes up with next.

7/28: Miami Vice: B+
Michael Mann is back doing what made him famous in the first place. He is bringing the 80s hit drama to the big screen 20 years after it was cancelled. Will it still have the feel and look of the original after 20 years? Will it matter?

8/4: Talladega Nights: B-
The same amount of people that love everything that Will Ferrell does are just as anxious to see him completely fail. The word on the net is that this movie about a Nascar star may give them the ammunition they need.

8/4: The Ant Bully: C
Warner Brothers’s first attempt at a computer animated film, no one knows what exactly to make of it.

8/11: World Trade Center: B+
With the first trailer just released, and pretty impressive by the way, this movie looks to have a more theatrical feel than the 9/11 movie released earlier this year and may be easier to watch.

8/18: Snakes on a Plane: A+
The internet has created a virtual tsunami of interest over a movie about what is basically Die Hard on a plane, with snakes as the bad guy. Is it a brilliant movie or one of the craziest pieces of crap ever to hit the big screen? Regardless of what the actual movie is about this type of buzz is going make this a number one hit, at least for the first week.

8/25: Beerfest: B
From the creators of Super Troopers, their original film has enough of a cult following to guarantee that this films buzz will just get bigger and bigger until it is finally released.

Well, there it is, a fairly comprehensive look at the summer films that the internet are raving or at the very least are murmuring about. These are the films that studios will be looking at and probably banking on to make their year. Now you are completely caught up and ready to go out and have at least some idea of what you are getting into. Stay tuned over the summer and I’ll try to use my power of reading to keep you informed on which of these will more than likely pan out. Until then, warm up your jaws and take a bathroom break before we get there because there’s loads of popcorn, Mike and Ikes, and soda to keep us all occupied for the next three months.

Next week: I’ll give you my prediction for top ten movies of the summer, and five that I think we will be talking about come Razzy time.


This week’s Superman Returns news:
(courtesy of www.superherohype.com)
The third trailer is here. You can see it on the big screen in front of the new X-Men movie.

This weekend at your local multiplex (5/26/2006):

X-Men 3: The Last Stand: Action
Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Shawn Ashmore, Daniel Cudmore, Alan Cumming, Famke Janssen, James Marsden, Ian McKellen, Anna Pacquin, Rebecca Romjin-Stamos, Kelsey Grammar
Plot: After a cure for mutancy is discovered, mutants are forced to decide between the cure or being mutants for the rest of their lives. This decision causes a rift that escalates into a final battle for mutant kind.
Buzz: After the critical and box office success of the first two movies, X-Men 3 has a lot to live up to. Brett Ratner as director has pissed more than a few fans off but this is supposed to be the last of the series and this movie is bound to be one of the top three for the year. Anything less and it’ll be looked at as a failure.

This week on DVD (5/23/2006):

Boondock Saints (se)
Bloodrayne
Kingdom of Heaven (se)
Transamerica
Cheaper by the Dozen 2
Wings (season 1 and 2)
The Cecile B DeMille Collection
The Dirty Dozen (se)
Patton (se)
X-Men Evolution (season 3)
The 4400 (season 2
Deadwood (season 2)
Hollow Man 2
The Closer (season 1)
Boston Legal (season 1)
M.A.S.H. (season 10)
The Longest Day (se)
Samurai Jack (season 1-3)
Tora! Tora! Tora! (se)

As always, if you want a drop me a line, drop me a line at DPlace76@yahoo.com. Check out my random thoughts at www.livejournal.com/users/bigdpimpin. Friend us at our myspace account and keep up to date on all things Stumblebum.