The Weigh In 72

Hollywood takes us Back to the Future.

In the Matrix, Orpheus explains to us that déja vu is actually a glitch in the Matrix programming. While this is a clever explanation for a fairly rare occurrence, it is in fact science fiction. Hollywood has shown us time and again that the true definition of déja vu is:

(v) the act of taking a movie and re-filming it in a way that seems new and hopefully profitable; also known as the remake.

Some of your favorite films and some films you may have never heard of are currently being redesigned and re-cast to a younger generation. Last week we took a look at a few of those films. Here are a few more.

The Hitcher-(post production, release date 04/13/2007)-attached: Sean Bean in the classic Rutger Hauer role and Zachary Knighten in the role played by C. Thomas Howell. Remade from the 1986 thriller about a hitchhiker hell bent on destroying C. Thomas Howell’s life.

Journey to the Center of the Earth-(in production, release date 2008)-attached: Brendan Fraser, actor; Eric Brevig, director. Based on the 1959 film and the Jules Verne novel of the same name.

Land of the Lost-(in development)-attached: Adam McKay, director; Sid and Marty Kroft, producers. A direct live action translation of the Sid and Marty Kroft television series.

The Lodger-(in preproduction)-attached: David Ontdaaje, director. A remake of the Alfred Hitchcock film about a couple that rent a room to a lodger who may or may not be a serial killer.

Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (Titled: Are We Done Yet?)-(in production, release date 5/6/2007)-attached: Ice Cube and Nia Long in the roles originally played by Cary Grant and Myrna Loy. Remade from the original film 1948 H.C. Potter comedy.

Oh God!-(in development)-attached-:R.J Lewis and Jerry Weintraub, producers. A remake of the George Burns/John Denver comedy about God coming to Earth to help a human in need.

One Missed Call-(post production, release date, 8/24/2007)-attached: Edward Burns and Shannyn Sossamon. The English version of the Takashi Miike horror film about a group of friends that all get telephone calls from their future selves.

Pet Sematary-(scripting)-attached: George Clooney (rumored). A remake of the horror film based on the Stephen King novel.

Piranha-(filming)-attached: Chuck Russell, director. A film based on the 1978 Joe Dante film horror film about, well, killer piranhas.

Race with the Devil-(in development)-attached: Chris Moore, director. Based on the 1975 Peter Fonda horror film, a group of friends are out for a weekend of hiking and camping only to run across a group of Satan worshippers.

Red Sonja-(pre-production)-attached Brigitte Nielsen reprising the same role she played in the 1985 original, minus Arnold Schwarzenegger. Both based on a series of novels by Robert E. Howard.

Revenge of the Nerds-(pre-production, release date, 2007)-attached: Chris Marquette, Max; Kyle Newman, director. A retelling of the 1984 film originally starring Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards.

Sharky’s Machine-(in scripting)-attached: Mark Wahlberg, producer; Phil Joanou, director. A retelling of the famous Burt Reynolds film

Sleuth-(preproduction)-attached: Michael Caine and Jude Law. Jude Law in the original Michael Caine role and Michael Caine in the Lawrence Olivier role; Kenneth Branagh, director. A remake of the Allan Mankiewicz film about a man forced to match wits with his wife’s new lover.

The Warriors-(pre-production)-attached: Tony Scott, director. A remake of the cult classic Walter Hill film about a street gang set up for murder and trying to get back to their home turf.


So there you are, for better or worse, some of the films that you will see over the next year or so that will probably remind you of something you have already seen. Maybe the Wachowski brothers were right. Maybe déja vu is a glitch in the matrix.


All the news that’s fit to forget:

With the success of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, Disney has announced they are making a movie about another film ride, The Jungle Cruise. Tom Cruise immediately filed suit for name infringement but announced he would withdraw the suit if he could set up an “enlightenment tent” on the set. Scarlett Johannson reportedly backed out of filming before being considered for a role in the movie.

Keith Richards, while on the set of the film Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, was so drunk during filming that he actually had to be propped up by cast members. Reportedly, the person normally paid to hold him up called in sick. He was later found in a 1934 Studebaker garroted next to a revolver. Police were baffled by the distinct smell of cannoli.

Paramount Pictures is reportedly looking to Brad Pitt to continue the Mission Impossible franchise. Not to be upstaged, Tom Cruise announced his production company plan to purchase the rights to Banacek. In a press release, Tom Cruise announced, “this will be a modern retelling of a beloved television show complete with gadgets, espionage and everything fans have come to expect from my action films. Take that you retarded bastards”. A tentative release date has been set opposite the next Mission Impossible film.


This weekend at your local multiplex (9/29/2006)

Open Season: animated family film
(voices): Ashton Kutcher, Martin Lawrence, Deborah Messing, Paul Westerberg, Billy Connolly
Plot: A grizzly bear and a deer have to buddy up when they are the only animals during hunting season.
Buzz: This animated film actually looks pretty funny. It will be interesting to see if this film is any good, and if it can separate itself from all of the crappy animated films that were released this year.

School for Scoundrels: Comedy
Billy Bob Thornton, Jon Heder, Michael Clark Duncan
Plot: A man with low self esteem enrolls in a top secret class to give him confidence. When he starts to excel at the class, his teacher becomes competitive and the both fight over the same woman.
Buzz: Billy Bob Thornton plays a good prick and Jon Heder plays a good doofus. Sounds like a movie made in typecasting heaven.

The Guardian: Drama
Kevin Costner, Ashton Kutcher, Neal McDunough, Clancy Brown
Plot: After an ace Coast Guard diver watches his partner die, he becomes an instructor at a top diving school. He meets a hot shot trainee that he takes under his wing.
Buzz: It looks like that sequel to Top Gun finally got made, just without Tom Cruise and all of the flying jets.


This week on DVD (9/26/2006)

The Lake House (see review)
The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
Down in the Valley
Curious George
The Notorious Betty Page
Beowulf and Grendel
A Nightmare on Elm Street (se)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (se)
Lady Vengeance
Save the Last Dance (se)
One Tree Hill (season 3)
Riptide (season 1)
Stephen King: The Dead Zone (se)
Stephen King: Pet Sematary (se)
The Batman (season 2)
Teen Titans (season 2)
Henry 2
The Book of Daniel (series)
Frankenstein: 75th anniversary
Dracula: 75th anniversary
Daniel Boone (season 1)
Daniel Boone (season 2)
Dick Tracy (complete animated series)
The Stephen King collection
The Last Broadcast
Who’s Line is it Anyway? (season 1)


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