The Weigh in 83

MWA-HAHAHAHA! It’s Mine! All Mine!

Something strange is happening here at Stumblebum Studios. No one’s where they’re supposed to be. Cartoonists are writing columns and writers are drawing comics. The whole world’s gone topsy-turvy! So what happened? Did we all get way too drunk on New Year’s Eve and forget which columns and comics we were supposed to do? Or is there a method to this madness? Perhaps a little from column A and a little from column B. It’s THE STUMBLEBUM JANUARY ROTATION, where just about every amazing Stumblebum feature will be written or drawn by a different member of the Stumblebum Crew each week throughout January… and the world will never be the same!

If you’re looking for Dana, you might want to check out this week’s Ring Psychology… if you DARE! This week’s Weigh In has been taken over by me, Paul Milligan, writer of the perpetually late and rarely informative comic book news and rumor column, The Bum’s Rush.

When I first heard that we’d be doing the January Rotation again this year I realized it was the perfect opportunity to crush my enemies! I could take over their columns and run them into the ground, leaving nothing but a burnt out wreck and an angry, pitchfork-wielding audience upon their inevitable return. But the man-hours and eventual cost of such an assault (thanks for nothing Generalissimo Juarez) were not within my budget. So I guess I’ll just have to write a proper column.

For your reading enjoyment allow me to present…

PAUL MILLIGAN’S ‘THE WEIGH IN!’

And a-weigh we go…

The Only Movies That Matter

Considering this is a column about movies what better subject to cover during the first week of the first month of 2007 than which movies I’m most looking forward to seeing this year? Pay attention folks cause, like the title says, these are the only movies that matter in two-thousand and seven!

Smokin’ Aces – Buddy “Aces” Israel is a washed-up stage magician turned mob informant. When his former boss puts a $1 million dollar price tag on Buddy’s head dozens of hitmen come out of the woodwork to take their shot. All that stands between Buddy and certain doom are two FBI agents, two ex-cops and a bail bondsman.

The fact that Smokin’ Aces is Joe Carnahan’s first feature film since the critically acclaimed Narc in 2002 is, in and of itself, enough to get me excited about seeing this movie. Now that I’ve seen the trailer, which portrays over-the-top action and violence and some extremely bizarre characters, I’m more intrigued than ever. The movie looks completely insane and entirely fun, never a bad combination in an action movie.

Check out the trailer for the film HERE.


 

The Number 23 – When Walter Sparrow (Jim Carrey) begins reading a book called The Number 23 he begins to notice the similarities between the book’s story and his own life. Soon he becomes obsessed with the number 23 and the number’s bizarre reoccurrence and connection to everything about him. As his obsession grows he discovers that the book foretells disastrous events in his future.

I’m a big fan of Jim Carrey’s dramatic work from The Truman Show to Man on the Moon and my favorite Carrey film, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, so I’m looking forward to watching him take on the lead role in what looks to be an intense and twisted thriller like The Number 23. The film’s director, Joel Schumacher has been much-maligned in recent years due to his involvement with Batman Forever and Batman and Robin (which effectively destroyed the Batman franchise at the time) but there’s no arguing that he’s done several great films before and since, including The Lost Boys, Falling Down, Tigerland and Phone Booth. My faith in him as a solid director outside the field of superhero movies remains strong.

Check out the trailer for the film HERE.


Black Snake Moan – When former blues musician Lazarus (Samuel L. Jackson) finds a badly beaten young girl named Rae (Christina Ricci) near his house he decides to take her in. Upon learning of the girl’s predilection for violent men who abuse her, Lazarus decides to attach a twenty-foot chain to Rae to prevent her leaving his house until he can cure her of her wicked ways.

The posters for this film intrigued me and what little I’d heard about it sounded interesting. But it wasn’t until I actually saw the trailer that I discovered that I just had to see this movie. The film, by Hustle & Flow writer/director Craig Brewer, looks to be a bizarre, funny and truly dramatic character piece with an excellent cast. This could be Samuel L. Jackson’s best role in years.

Check out the trailer for the film HERE.

Zodiac – Based on Robert Graysmith’s books, Zodiac and Zodiac Unmasked, the film follows the 1960’s investigation of the ruthless serial killer known as The Zodiac.

Though the film and the cast look excellent, the main reason I am looking forward to this film is because of director David Fincher. Zodiac is Fincher’s first film since 2002’s somewhat disappointing Panic Room and I’m itching to see him recapture some of that visually stunning and heart-thumping energy that he brought to the screen with films like Se7en and Fight Club. This film has the perfect setting for Fincher to really cut loose with the dark, gritty, tragic style, which he so excellently portrays in his films. Here’s hoping it doesn’t end up a disappointing mess like so many other movies based on high-profile crimes that have hit theaters recently, such as Hollywoodland and The Black Dahlia.

Check out the trailer for the film HERE.

300 – An adaptation of Frank Miller’s graphic novel of the same name, 300 tells the story of Leonidas
(Gerard Butler) who led 300 Spartan warriors against a massive Persian army invading Greece.

This film, if nothing else, will probably be one of the best looking films of the year. But with so many other great elements, from Dawn of the Dead director Zack Snyder to the superb casting to the insane amounts of violence and testosterone and a story based on one of the most heroic and inspiring historical events of all time, how can this movie go wrong? Just watch the trailer and you’ll see - this is the ultimate guy flick
of 2007.

Check out the trailer for the film HERE.

Sunshine – The sun is dying and mankind is doomed. In an effort to prevent extinction a team of astronauts are sent on a mission to reignite the sun and save humanity. But under massive pressure and out of communication with home the mission, and the crew, begins to unravel.

Director Danny Boyle usually uses dramatic and larger-than-life backdrops to highlight touching and exhilarating stories of human tragedy and triumph and this film looks to be a prime example of that approach. Though the plot sounds like a silly summer blockbuster directed by Michael Bay I have the utmost faith that Boyle and writer Alex Garland, who previously teamed up on the excellent 28 Days Later, have the ability to make this film one of the best dramatic sci-fi thrillers in ages.

Check out the trailer for the film HERE.

Grindhouse – An homage to the exploitation films of the 70’s, Grindhouse features two full-length movies, Planet Terror (a zombie film directed by Robert Rodriguez) and Death Proof (about a muscle-car driving killer and directed by Quentin Tarantino). The two films will be divided by a series of fake movie trailers directed by Rodriguez, Tarantino, Eli Roth, Edgar Wright and Rob Zombie.

Two of the coolest directors in Hollywood teaming up for a double feature of blood, sex, zombies, guns and muscle-cars? Count me in! This just might be the most exciting and fun experience you will have at the movie theater all year.

Check out the trailer for the film HERE.

Hot Fuzz – London policeman Nick Angel (Simon Pegg) is so good at his job that he’s making his colleagues look bad. As a result Angel is transferred to the rural village of Stanford where the biggest problems involve missing livestock and noisy teenagers. But when a series of horrible murders begin to occur it’s up to Angel and his bumbling partner Danny Butterman (Nick Frost) to save the day.

Brought to you by the same folks responsible for the hilarious zombie spoof/homage Shaun of the Dead. What more do you need to know?

Check out the trailer for the film HERE.

Pathfinder – A young Norse boy is the only survivor of a doomed expedition to North America and, raised by Indians, he grows into a formidable warrior. When the Vikings return to America and begin a deadly raid the warrior must fight his own kind to protect those who raised him.

I love mixed genre stories and historically based myth–filled fantasies (is there such a thing?) so Pathfinder feels like one of those films that was made just for me. Dispensing the notion of historical accuracy director Marcus Nispel decided to go for a more mythological approach with larger than life Viking warriors that look like something out of a Frank Frazetta painting. I’m sure this film will be criticized for its blatant disregard for historical fact but I say forget about accuracy, this is fantasy! It’s Rambo or Predator with Vikings and Indians and I couldn’t be more in love with the idea.

Check out the trailer for the film HERE.


Other films I’m looking forward to, from the summer season until the end of the year, include:

Spider-Man 3

Hostel II

Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer

Live Free Or Die Hard

Transformers

Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix

Stardust

The Bourne Ultimatum

Halloween

American Gangster

Beowulf

Indiana Jones And The Retirement Home of Doom

After years of development and several script treatments it was beginning to look as if the long-awaited fourth Indiana Jones film was more wishful thinking than anything else. However just this week it was revealed that not only will the film begin shooting in June, it has been given an official release date of May 2008. Little has been revealed about the plot of the film, though it will most likely take place in the 50’s. Sean Connery is expected to return as Indiana’s father, Professor Henry Jones.

George Lucas has described the film as a “character piece” (ooooh, I know that’s why I love Indiana Jones movies!) with some “very interesting mysteries”. Lucas also says that he thinks the film will be “really cool”. And who’s a better judge of cool than the guy who made The Phantom Menace (ugh), Attack of the Clones (double-ugh) and Revenge of the Sith (third time’s an ugh)!?


He Is Coming To Your Little Town!

Another movie that has seen little development until just recently is Rob Zombie’s remake of Halloween. Last week Zombie announced that he had cast Malcolm McDowell to play Dr. Loomis (originally played by Donald Pleasance) and has just revealed that Tyler Mane (who played Sabretooth in X-Men) will take on the role of Michael Myers. The film is set for release on August 31, 2007.

Personally I’m a little unsure of how to feel about this film. The Halloween series is my absolute favorite horror movie franchise of all and Michael Myers is the king of slasher movie killers. When I heard that Zombie was attached to make the ninth Halloween movie (the eighth to star Myers) I was definitely excited. His first horror film, House of 1000 Corpses, is one of the best horror films of the last 10 years and he’s got a unique and truly frightening vision that would lend itself terrifically to a Halloween movie and perhaps breath some much needed life into the thirty year old franchise.

Then I read that Zombie’s Halloween was not a sequel but a remake of the original film. I for one am not a fan of movie remakes, especially those that deal with classic movies that were pretty much perfect the first time. Most remakes, especially these days, pale in comparison to the original films and are, by and large, instantly forgettable. Then again there have been some remakes that have surpassed the original or have, at the very least, offered a fresh and unique take on an old classic and worth the effort of having redone the story in the first place. Just look to John Carpenter’s The Thing, Zack Snyder’s Dawn of the Dead, Martin Scorsese’s The Departed (a remake of Hong Kong crime-thriller Infernal Affairs), David Cronenberg’s The Fly and Steven Soderbergh’s Ocean’s Eleven.

Zombie himself has stated his disdain for movie remakes, saying that he realizes that most horror movie remakes usually do not work. He insists that his version of Halloween will have more original content than remake content and though it will follow similar events and characters as the original it will focus more heavily on Michael Myers and his back story, as well as his relationship with Dr. Loomis. I did love this quote from Zombie regarding Loomis’ role in the original film:

"I wanted his story to feel more intertwined with Michael in a way that means something, which they did in the original, but sometimes it feels like he disappears for a long period and then just pops up to go, 'He's evil!' and then he disappears again for a while."

Though I am usually quick to judge a remake, especially one that seems wholly unnecessary (The Hitcher, anyone?), this time I think I’ll reserve my judgment until I actually see the film. Who knows, with a good cast and an innovative director who obviously has a great amount of respect for the source material we could be witnessing the rebirth of the Halloween franchise, which is just fine by me.


He Brought His Own Bottle Of Rum…
And Heroin

I may not have been a big fan of the Pirates of the Caribbean sequel, Dead Man’s Chest (and when I say not a big fan I mean I absolutely hated it) but it’s hard to argue the success the film achieved, becoming not only the highest grossing film of 2006 in the U.S. (with $423,032,628) but the third highest grossing film of all time ($1,064,087,628)! I’ll take a shot in the dark here and guess that some of you guys went and saw that movie huh? Probably enjoyed it? Looking forward to the next installment, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End on May 25th? In that case take a gander at these two pics from the film, which offer the first look at Captain Grant Sparrow (Keith Richards) and Captain Sao Feng (Chow Yun Fat):

This Weekend At Your Local Multiplex (January 5th, 2007)

Happily N’Ever After (Animation)

Sigourney Weaver, Sara Michelle Gellar, Freddie Prinze Jr., George Carlin

An alliance of evildoers, led by Frieda (Weaver), looks to take over Fairy Tale Land. But when Ella (Gellar) realizes her stepmother is out to ruin her storybook existence, she takes a dramatic turn and blossoms into the leader of the resistance effort.

Because Hollywood loves to make the same mistake over and over again computer-animated movies are now as abundant as traditionally animated movies ever were and twice as bad. I wouldn’t expect this film to buck that awful trend.

Freedom Writers (Drama)

Hilary Swank, Patrick Dempsey, Scott Glenn, Imelda Staunton

A young teacher (Swank) inspires her class of at-risk students to learn tolerance, apply themselves, and pursue education beyond high school.

Just like the “inspirational small-town football” movies that come out every year, there’s almost always a new take on the “rebellious teacher inspires kids to not be a**holes” flick. It’s been done before and it’s probably been done about a hundred times better.

Home of the Brave (Drama)

Samuel L. Jackson, 50 Cent, Jessica Biel, Christina Ricci, Chad Michael Murray

Right at the end of their respective assignments in Iraq, four American soldiers look to complete a final mission, to bring medical supplies to a remote village. Ambushed, the unit suffers heavy losses, and the survivors are then forced to try and readjust to life at home.

A serious drama about war veterans… starring 50 Cent. Do I really need to say anything else?

Code Name: The Cleaner (Comedy… in the loosest sense of the word)

Cedric The Entertainer, Lucy Liu, Nicollette Sheridan, Mark Dacascos

Cedric the Entertainer plays Jake, a seemingly regular guy who has no idea who he is after being hit over the head by mysterious assailants; when he finds himself entangled in a government conspiracy, Jake and his pursuers become convinced that he is an undercover agent.

Who the hell gave Cedric The Entertainer his name and when are they going to take it back? Seriously, what has this guy ever done that was remotely entertaining? I’m betting he doesn’t do it in this movie.


On DVD This Week (January 2nd, 2007)

Snakes On A Plane
Beer League
The Covenant
Glory (Special Edition)
Martin (Season One)
My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Special Edition)
 

If you have any interesting news, rumors, lies, etc. about comics and think I should know about it too just email me at thesuperleezard@yahoo.com.

Read more dumb crap written by me at www.livejournal.com/users/superleezard.